You can’t always victimize yourself. You have to separate your emotions and understand that you can be wrong. I’ve known people who say “they don’t invite me, or nobody likes me”. But sometimes you literally have to just put yourself out there. Nobody invites you, invite yourself or plan something where everyone goes out with you. I know sometimes you may feel like if you do, you are a burden. But sometimes people don’t notice you because of your attitude or you don’t put yourself out there. Also you have to recognize that sometimes you are the problem. Human beings aren’t perfect, which is why there are possibilities that we can be wrong. Sometimes there are things we need to fix. I’ve met people who always victimize themselves. Like no! That isn’t right, you aren’t always right. Sometimes you need to take a seat back and analyze what’s going on. For example I would feel so depressed when people would say mean things to me. Sometimes I would let people talk to me a certain way I didnt deserve. But now that I think about it I am here victimizing myself, but I’m the one who let them talk to me like that in the first place. Obviously it doesn’t give anyone the right to treat me like that, but I allowed them. People know who they can mess around with. People will only go to the point that you allow them to. There has to be a balance with victimizing yourself. I was one of the types of people that would think I was always the problem. So I would blame myself and even if I didn’t do anything I would think I was the cause. But that has a lot to do with my past traumas, I will speak more about that later. Many times people have a problem being vulnerable. Sadly to say because many people have gone through heartbreaks, people leaving them or hurting them, people don’t like to be vulnerable. They put up a guard so that no one has the chance to hurt them. That’s a good and bad thing. In life for everything there is a balance. It’s bad because when you don’t like to be vulnerable you put up this guard and can hurt people. Atleast from the people that I met that don’t like to be vulnerable. They are more unintentionally mean, not careful with their words, hardheaded, less likely to talk about their feelings; how they truly feel, less likely to put theirselves out there, more likely to call themselves a loner. But like I said it sounds harsh but it’s kind of a front. I say this because on the inside they are still human beings they feel. They just suppress their feelings and it’s bad because when you do that you bottle everything up until it explodes in the worst time possible. That’s why you see people being petty or passive aggressive. Through those comments they are really just shouting out how they really feel. I say it’s a good thing because it’s also good to guard your heart. God himself in the word tells us to guard our hearts. Not everyone truly wants to be in your life or is meant to be in your life. Some people just want to hurt you and take away what’s in you. This world can be so evil and sinful. Sin brings about alot of nasty and traumatic things. Which is why it’s good to Becarful with your heart. But God never intended us to shut our emotions down, he knows we are human. In fact he created us with emotions but he also created a balance in life too. He gave us authority to be able to have a balance in life. Victimizing can be so dangerous because sometimes it clouds your judgment. That’s why sometimes you need to get out of your own head and have someone else evaluate the situation. Most times because you are the one going through it, it’s hard to see the whole picture or from up above. I’m not saying you are always wrong but I’m simply saying you can be wrong as well. You have to evaluate the situation wisely. Always remember just like you hurt sometimes other people too. We have to put ourselves in peoples shoes just like Jesus did. He came to be here on earth to be like us, difference is he came he to show that we can be like God in human form. In every situation you have to literally say this expression, “what would Jesus do or say?”.

When you try to do things in your own time or strength, they get ruined. For example maybe you are next to “the one” but the timing isn’t correct. If you get into it when you know the timing isn’t right, you are going to ruin it. I know sometimes we get too excited and we don’t mean to ruin things. But I’m telling you if you do it in your own strength you are going to ruin it or delay it. Trust Gods process and in his timing. When it’s in his time everything falls into perfect place. It flows the way it was always meant to flow, in his design and place. The crazy part is that a lot of times we focus on Gods time. We hear “in Gods time” but Gods time is different than ours. Most of the time God is waiting on us. We delay our own blessings. God isn’t going to give us something if we aren’t ready for it. What’s the point, we will just ruin it. It won’t be perfect the way God intended it to be. In the word of God he teaches us in Matthew 6:33; Seek the Kingdom of God above all else, and live righteously, and he will give you everything you need”. For so long God has ministered this verse to me. God knows we want a lot of things. For example God knows I want a family, spouse, house, to do his will, help people, etc. He knows this and he doesn’t say that he won’t give me it. He just asks of me to do one thing, which is to seek first his kingdom (meaning put/seek him first) live correctly and then he will give me my hearts desires. Also sometimes the things we need don’t always match with what God knows we need. God knows what you need best because he created you. The reality is that God is so patient and kind with us. His patience for us is literally like no other. People can get frustrated with you all the time, but i can literally imagine God repeating & repeating, waiting & waiting a thousand times. God also in his word says he has plans to prosper us and not to harm us, plans to give us hope and a future. Which clearly states that God only wants good things for us. He doesn’t want to keep us away from our hopes and desires. But rather he wants to give it to us, it’s just sometimes we are too immature for the blessings. He needs to better equip us that way we don’t ruin it when it’s placed in our hands. That way we take care of it, appreciate and use it as a blessing the way God always created it to be for us. You aren’t going to give a 4 year old an iPhone right..? Why….? Well one because it’s a baby, it’s mind is not mature enough to understand how, why, what it’s used for. How to take care and value it. The baby’s mental capacity isn’t developed yet to comprehend clearly. This applies to us as well, sometimes we aren’t spiritually, physically and mentally prepared to receive these things. Its not even just in relationships, in other things in life as well. Sometimes it’s not the time for us to receive certain things/blessings in life, because we can’t fully understand it. What goes along with waiting in Gods timing is also trusting in his timing and that he knows what he is doing. God is also so good that he reveals to you in your heart, dreams, visions, in his word, etc what he has planned for your life. But he doesn’t always reveal things to you for you to do something about it. Sometimes he just gives it to you to give you a sneak peek or a glimpse of what he has in stored for you. It’s him telling you “I’m going to do it” but…. “Wait and trust me patiently”. God is not man to lie to you when he says and declares something over your life. He will do what he said he would do in your life, your only job is to seek and trust him.

If you are wondering what this stands for it stands for watch your testimony. (Corny I know LOL!) But it’s about to hit home just like it did for me. I was on my way to church when God was ministering this to me. It’s also a topic and lesson I’ve had to learn over my life as a Christian women. Everyday you have to watch your testimony. It’s not even just for yourself but you are a reflection of God. Everything you do or say is a reflection of who our Father in heaven is. Especially in the world when you call yourself a Christian, all eyes are on you. People will watch out on your mistakes. It’s a technique/scheme the devil likes to use to hurt you. Over the years I’ve heard people be like “that’s why I don’t call myself a Christian”. But it shouldn’t be like that, you shouldn’t not call yourself a Christian so it gives you an open door to sin/fail consistently. Calling yourself a Christian teaches people out in the world that we aren’t different from them. That’s why Jesus came to save us, we were once where they were. We all struggle the same, we all go through the same. Just because we have God doesn’t mean we are exempt from trials and tribulations. The only difference is that we have God and have realized that we can’t do life without him. He’s the fountain that keeps us going. Having him in our life helps us get through things better and teaches us to see our circumstances different. Just like we know they need the answer, we need it to. Calling yourself a Christian also keeps you in check. It’s not to say that you won’t fail. Of course you will because we are imperfect, if we were perfect Jesus wouldn’t have had to die on the cross to save us from our sins. That’s already been covered, anyways the point is to take care of your life. Just because we aren’t perfect and we know there’s mercy it doesn’t mean we should intentionally fail. God in his word states in Psalm 22:22 “I will praise you to all my brothers; I will stand up before the congregation and testify of the wonderful things you have done.” How can we do that if we don’t show through our actions how God has transformed, delivered, and healed us. If we keep acting like the world, how will we show God. God and the world don’t mix, God isn’t like this world. This world has changed and excluded God in so much. The devil has taken this world and corrupted it. Now people don’t even want to hear about God. People have twisted Gods morals/laws to their own convenience. People think that you can be in two waters, no! It’s either your in God or without God. God has given us free will to follow him or not. But if we follow God, we must follow his ways. Meaning we need to stop sinning and follow his commandments. God has given us a set of rules and things we need to lay down/give up in order to follow him. You can’t follow God and still be in sin. It’s true God does love the sinner but it doesn’t mean everyone is going to heaven. For example you can be a killer, but if you don’t repent from your ways you ain’t going with God. For example God loved Paul, even when he was Saul and he was killing Christian’s. You think God didn’t love him? Of course God loved him, that was his Creation. But do you think if he stayed as a killer of Christians he would have been made right before God? No. God states, “so whoever knows the right thing to do and fails to do it, for him it is sin”. If someone who is killing knows it’s a sin and keeps doing it, that is wrong. Before Gods eyes he is unrighteous, unless he repents of his ways and stops. Which is what Paul did, he repented and gave up his old ways to follow God in spirit and in truth. He recognized that was a sinful way to live and that before God he wouldn’t be made right in him. So he gave up his old ways and decided to be a living testimony for God. He comprehended that following his sinful ways would not support who God is. In 1 John 3:6-10 God says, “No one who abides in him keeps on sinning; no one who keeps on sinning has either seen him or known him. Little children, let no one deceive you. Whoever practices righteousness is righteous, as he is righteous. Whoever makes a practice of sinning is of the devil, for the devil has been sinning from the beginning. The reason the Son of God appeared was to destroy the works of the devil. No one born of God makes a practice of sinning, for God’s seed abides in him, and he cannot keep on sinning because he has been born of God. By this it is evident who are the children of God, and who are the children of the devil: whoever does not practice righteousness is not of God, nor is the one who does not love his brother”. This is clear, your fruits will show who you serve. That’s why when people tell me, “you don’t know peoples relationship with God”. I’m sorry but that’s not true, Again I have to quote Gods word because its the living word and the truth, By their fruit you will recognize them. Do people pick grapes from thornbushes, or figs from thistles? Likewise, every good tree bears good fruit, but a bad tree bears bad fruit” Matthew 7:16-17. What you do in your intimacy time with God will reflect in every area of your life. It will show and reflect at church, work, school, the way you talk, etc. It’s part of who you are, it’s your testimony. If you do bad it will show, if you do good that will also show. But a follower of God doesn’t practice sin, it practices righteousness. You will know a person by what they do. Good and evil don’t mix, God is good therefore he can’t do evil. It’s not in Gods nature to do evil, that’s how you know someone is of God because they will only know or do what God does. I have to reiterate, the word says if a person practices evil they have not known, or seen God. Those born or baptized of God cannot continue to sin habitually because they know and are connected to God. Gods Holy Spirit is constantly cleansing and transforming you, you are a new creation each day. He helps you stop sinning and follow his commands.

Many people think serving the Lord is an easy thing to do, but its not. I now comprehend what my aunt, not really my aunt always says. Let me explain to you who my aunt is. Frankly i believe she is more than an aunt to me. Shes a mother figure that God put in my life to bless me abundantly. This woman who i most likely will speak about later on has always said to me “Servirle a Dios es para los valientes”. This translates to “Serving the Lord is for those who are valiant”. I never really understood what that meant, until I went through the process. That’s why it has always irked me when people say “Christian people think they are perfect and better than us”. That is so untrue! People don’t know what they say when they say that. The only difference between us Christians and the world, is that we have God and they don’t. God makes it easier to go through the processes that EVERY human being has to go through in life. We all have a story to give, but being with the Lord means he rewrites your story for good. You see when the devil is in control of your situation he turns it to hurt you in the worst way possible. But God in his word states clearly that everything the devil turns for evil, he turns for good. Thats why i also never understood how people can serve someone like that. The devil literally wants you to be depressed, suicidal, purposless, angry, CLEARLY EVIL. But when you go through life problems God literally wants to bring happiness, purpose, love, transformation, healing, wholeness, joy, etc. God loves you like no other… But back to what i was saying, its not easy to serve the Lord. Serving the Lord means you have to be careful with what you do, you are his example. A simple thing that you do, can harm someone and push them away from truly getting to know God. One wrong thing you do can affect your testimony and his very own. Especially in this world that we live in, people have strayed away from doing Gods will. Its all about desires; what people want for themselves. People don’t live the way God always intended for them to, with him and in him. What people don’t understand is that because they aren’t living in Gods will, thats why there is all these sinful natures and problems. That is why as Christians it is important that we learn everyday how to live in Gods will. Everyday people are getting further away from the Lord, but thank God that everyday we also have people getting closer to the Lord. I truly believe that one day everyone will bow down to the Lord. The sad thing is that not everyone will be saved. You see many people question and say, “If God is so good why is this happening or if God is so good than why don’t i have this”. People don’t want God to tell them what to do and also people don’t ever take accountability for their actions. People always do and take things that are convenient for them. A lot of times i hear people say that God should not be so controlling and dominant. He shouldnt force us to serve him or follow him. The funny part is that God literally gave people what they wanted. People wanted free will, they want to do whatever THEY want. But yet they still complain when God gives it to them. You see people want God to be a puppet; to do everything they say to do. Oh no no no honeyyyyyyy, God is almighty and he has the ultimate power. He doesn’t have to bow down to us, he created us. He just chooses to allow us to have power over our lives, but he didn’t have to do that. Its like a parent, when we are a child, our parents don’t do what we say. For example when we were little there were a lot of things our parents told us not to do. We obeyed why? Because they are our authority, once we are put in their hands, they are expected to be in charge. They naturally have this power over us, where they can tell us what to do because they were used to make us. We respect them because it took and takes alot for them to care for us. Same with God, you don’t think it took a lot for him to make us. Especially with how detailed we are, we have cells, chromosomes, fingerprints. He doesn’t have to listen to us if he doesn’t want to. He created us, hes the one who even thought we should be here on earth in the first place. The beautiful thing about God is that he’s a gentleman and not going to intervene where he is not wanted. His love man is literally the definition of unconditional, the way he gives it to us even when we don’t deserve it, i will never understand. But like i was saying sorry, i just have a lot to say and give to you. But serving God isn’t easy, especially when you lived without him for a while. When you come to the Lord you have to change a lot of things you thought were right or okay. You see when you live without God, you live outside of his will; what he first intended. Where the presence of the Lord is, there isn’t room for anything that the devil intended for you. So why do I say are you valiant? I say that because not everyone wants to take up there cross and follow Jesus. They don’t want to deny their sinful ways and follow God. Are you valiant enough to live for Christ in spirit and in truth. To be his vessel and live truly for him. That requires denying to your old self, being a true example of who God is. That’s understanding that you have to model Christ but also understanding it’s okay if you fail. At the end of the day we aren’t perfect but the point is to not stay in that pit, to do better. It’s about giving up your plans and comprehending that Gods ways are greater and better than ours.

Hmmmmm you might be thinking that I am going to talk about curls today…. Well to be honest you are right, just not in the way that you think lol. It’s funny because the way God gave me this idea is as I was curling my hair and getting out of the shower! Now let me get into it, why curls ? Curls because you can be born with curly hair. But sometimes you have to give it direction to redirect its way back into its curl form. Sometimes it looses its form like we human beings do at times as well. You see we are born to be a child of God. But ever since man sin, that took a whole turn for us. But it doesn’t stay there, God created a way to redirect ourselves to the Father. So that we could be a child of God again. God said the way to get to him is through Jesus, he is the truth the way and life. He created Jesus Christ, so that he could die for our sins. So that he can show us what it’s like to live in the world and not be contaminated by it. He was a true example of how to get to the Father. He already forgave our past and erased that through his blood shed. So as I was thinking about how I have to redirect my curls, God showed me that’s what he has to do with me sometimes and his other children. Sometimes we loose our way, but there’s always a way back. God finds his way to redirect us always, because he loves us… Just like curly hair people have to find products that help keep their curls defined and shiny. We human beings need to find ways to keep our spirits and hearts aligned to the Father. So that we can remain true children of his. That way our lives can be defined as true Christ followers and so we can shine bright for his glory. It’s crazy because many curly haired people struggle most of their life trying to find products that help and nourish their hair. Most of them have to spend so much money until they get the right product. But God is simple and direct, he already paid it all for eternity for you and I. There’s no finding it, he simply gives it to you as a gift. It’s yours if you just choose and want it. You don’t have to earn it, you don’t have to pay hundreds of dollars for it. It’s granted once you accept him as your Lord and savior. I really motivate you to redirect your curlssss but what I am really saying is, redirect your life to Jesus that way you can get to the Father…

This is a pretty good word to describe how I feel about when a child is force to go to church. For those of you who are forced to go to church I’m sorry… But at the same time I’m not sorry for you. I know that sounds harsh but you have to understand both parties. I’m about to tell you why. When a parent forces a child to go to church, it’s because they know God is the answer. Which in fact is true, their delivery or way of handling it, is just wrong. But the intentions behind it, is pure and genuine. Parents only force their child to go to church because they want them to know their creator. They want them to get to know the one who believed that they needed to be released into the earth for his honor and glory. Now understanding the other party, I completely get it as well. I’ve never been forced to go to church or follow Jesus. But everyone’s story to how they get to Jesus is different. Mine was that my mom brought me to church but after a while it ended up just being me attending. Obviously it’s sad that i have to go to church without my family. But honestly I’ve learned to receive and see things through Gods lense. At least I was able to have a true and genuine encounter with God alone. That’s why I emphasize a lot seeing things through Gods perspective. You see peoples intentions are way different than Gods. Gods plans and ways are so much greater. God also says what the devil wants to use to destroy you, God wants to use it for his glory and to help you. Gods allowed me to see people who have experienced this and how they react. When you force a child to go to church, you don’t allow them to seek God genuinely. Therefore they aren’t able to focus or have a true encounter with Jesus Christ. This is so because the child is only focused on how they are being forced to do something. Have you noticed in life people tend to do what they are told not to do. Some people just need to go through it on their own. I see it all the time with kids, and that’s in every church. Parents force their kids and because they do that most of the kids turn rebellious. They feel overwhelmed and In some way powerless. I use the word erroneous for this statement, “people who are forced to go to church”, because it’s sad. God wants everyone to come to him genuinely and wholeheartedly. God himself doesn’t like forcing people to follow him, that’s why he gave us free will. Compare that to us, you don’t want someone you love to love you because they are being forced to. Then it’s not really true love and your relationship is based on a lie. That’s why I’ve learned to just let people be. But I’m not going to lie to you, it gets frustrating. Have you ever had a relationship who you have tried to minister to so much about God and then you get frustrated because they don’t listen. You get frustrated because you know where it’s going to lead and that it’s not the right way. But sometimes in life you have to let people experience it on their own and find their own way. I say this because then you fall into a place where you are constantly worrying. I’ve seen woman at church who are frustrated about their husband, child or family member not coming to Jesus. Some of them fall into this place of anxiety and worry. I get them because me myself I’ve fallen into a place of worry when my friend or family member doesn’t choose Jesus. So I can imagine a mother feeling ten times worse than me. I realized that I was so busy focused on helping them with their salvation. That one, I was losing my salvation because I was too focus on theirs rather than mine. Two I was pushing them away from Jesus because I was being overwhelming. I wasn’t allowing them to find Jesus wholeheartedly, I was clouding their minds. When you constantly stick something down someone’s throat you are actually getting them tired of it. When we worry we are showing where our faith lacks. If we know that God can do all things. If we know God tells us, “Don’t worry about anything, but pray and ask God for everything you need, always giving thanks for what you have” Philippians‬ ‭4:6‬. Why do we worrryyy???? At a certain point we just want to victimize ourselves. God is clear in his word, he says we will have trouble in this world but be brave he has defeated the world. Meaning he knows the outcome, he’s got you. But you know what your job is to do, is to simply trust God. When we worry so much, when we complain we are saying we don’t trust God. In Gods timing everything will work out. If your prayer and desire is for someone you love to come to Jesus, just believe. That’s what faith is, believing even when you don’t see it. You just have to pray and trust God. And I know it’s easier said than done, but that’s why when these thoughts creep in we need to submit them to the hands of the Father. If you are reading this as a person who is forced to go to Church, I’m sorry but try to give God a chance even if you are forced. Allow God to show you his perspective rather than seeing man’s fault. I know you are seeing it as someone trying to take your free will away, but also try to be understanding the person is just trying to get you to salvation. Now if you are the one forcing someone to go to church. Understand that you can’t control everything. What you are doing, is unconsciously trying to take Gods job. God calls us to not worry and in everything pray/trust. If that’s In your heart and you truly want that, pray to God and have faith that he will give you your hearts desire. He will meet it just in his timing. You also have to understand that there are a lot of things in the background that God has to work with. You can’t see it because you aren’t in all realms like God is. There are things happening in the physical and supernatural realm. Simply trust in the God almighty…

If I want you guys to understand something from this post is do not get attached to people/things. It’s good, it’s actually great to have community. It’s great to have relationships, but when you replace God with them that’s a problem. You’ll find that if your foundation and life isn’t centered with God, problems will arise. You can’t put your mental, physical, emotional dependency on the people around you. I say this because people are human. Human beings fail because they are not perfect. So if you depend on them when they fail you, they are going to disappoint you greatly. Sometimes we put them on a pedestal and it’s bad because we are expecting them to be able to fulfill something they can’t ever fulfill. They aren’t God, God is almighty, omnipresent, omnipotent, omniscient, loving, whole, and I can continue. He’s everything that man can’t ever completely be. It’s crazy because I’ve heard people say if there is two people and they are in a relationship. If one of them isn’t healed, they can heal it in the relationship together. I’m sorry but I don’t completely agree with that. There are certain things God wants you to heal before you get into certain things because if not you will ruin it. If you are in God he is going to teach you to solely depend on him. He wants to be your everything first. He wants you to be one with him before he allows you to bring someone else In oneness with him. What happens when your partner leaves you? Because many people aren’t firm with God when their love one leaves them, sadly some people kill themselves or think about doing that. Some people enter into a depressive state. Some people even depart or stop believing in God. To be honest it’s not even just if your partner leaves you, God even says in his word even if your parents leave you I will never leave you. He knows that we live in a sinful world which means people will leave us. People are going to do things you never thought they would because unfortunately we live in a sinful world and sin does ugly things. For example when people leave the church/God because the people in church hurt them. That is completely wrong, that means you weren’t really there for God. Your faith was based on the people that were there. God isn’t to blame for what man did. God said mankind is sinful, that we only needed him to fully depend on. Their faith was really attached to the faith of others. They didn’t really know or have a true encounter with God. They didn’t allow God to truly be the center of their lives. They weren’t really standing on the rock which is Jesus, ( a firm foundation). Rather they were standing on a shaky rock which was mankind. When my dad left me I had a lot of unsolved traumas. One of them was approval, i always felt like I needed to prove myself to people because I felt like my dad never wanted me, it ended up hurting me. I would depend on how people felt about me. If people thought I was ugly, I would believe that. I always needed people to validate me. Whether they liked how I look, what I wore or even how I spoke. I would beg people and have no self-respect for myself. In a way I would kind of beg people to stay in my life because I didn’t want them to leave. Since my father left I thought everyone would leave me. It’s crazy because I’ve always analyzed it, some people when experiencing a father leaving them, they completely close themselves off. What I did instead was get too close to people and kind of scare them away. I would be too needy and overwhelming. It wasn’t until God came into my life that I realized he’s all that I need. It’s nice to have people in your life, but when it really comes down to it God is the only one who won’t ever leave. And that’s not a bad thing, it’s the truth. That’s why I’ve learned to depend only on him, in my identity, and life. When you are a child of God, God will allow things to happen so that you realize he’s all you need. Only he can do all things, he is enough. He wants you to depend on him and be attached to him. There would be times where I would always apologize for things that I didn’t do. I would always think I was a problem because my dad left me. He never gave me explanations to why he didn’t want to be in my life, so it always made me feel like I was a problem. Like I did something to deserve his treatment or rejection. You see if I didn’t learn to be one with God, this exact unhealed trauma would affect my relationships. To be honest for a while it did ruin a lot of my relationships. It didn’t only affect my romantic relationships but friendship relationships as well. I would get so close to my bestfriends and depend on them. I would depend on them for everything and I would unconsciously let them take Gods place. They would be the one I would want to get close to. When I had a problem I would go directly to them without first going to God. I would want to spend all my time with them, leaving my intimacy with God to wither. I wanted my friends to fill the voids I was missing, but they could neverrrr. That’s why i never completely felt whole and I would be sad after being with them. Its kind of like an addiction you enjoy it because it takes the pain away for a while, but after you are still left with the feeling you started with, never really healed. The truth is that the answer wasn’t found in them but in God. Jesus is the truth, the way and the life. That’s why people live their life always trying to attain the answer. Until they realize the answer is only found in Jesus Christ, that is the only way they are and can truly be made whole. God is a jealous God, he wants to be connected with his creation. You are his loved one, whom he longs to grow his relationship with everyday. If I’m focused on getting closer to my friend everyday and not giving room to God, how is our relationship going to grow. An idol is someone or something we worship as if it/they were God. When we worship something other than God we obviously won’t say “you are my God I worship you”. But wanting to always be around someone, always thanking them, allowing your whole life to be about this person/thing is worship. You have to come to the point of your life where you understand that if all you have is God, that is enough. I thank God for helping me heal from that trauma. I remember one of the women God put in my life to bless me, she said you need to heal from this trauma. If you don’t heal from this trauma of always feeling like you are to blame, you are going to ruin your future marriage. Imagine your husband is having a bad day and you tell him “did I do something wrong to you, I’m sorry?” When in reality I did nothing maybe he just had a bad day. I had to heal with God and understand that I am not the problem to everything that happens. Guys I was so bad that I would ask people consistently, “are you okay? Did I do something? I’m so sorry if I did something to you.” Mind you I didn’t do anything to them, but I thought that I did something to them. I just saw them randomly, i didn’t talk to them beforehand. I saw them sad or angry and I thought I was to blame. What traumas do to you man… but thats a talk for another day!!! Can’t wait to share that with you guys. Guys I really pray you understand that it’s important to be whole with the Father before you do anything in your life. You are truly complete once you are whole with the Father. Attach yourself to the fountain that never stops, God.

Sometimes it’s hard to be alone, I believe there are seasons where we have to be without people. When I say this, I mean like a season where it’s just completely you and God. It can get dangerous when you depend on people. Sometimes we depend on people emotionally, spiritually and physically. If we depend on them for these kinds of things, then when they fail us it’s going to hit us hard. The thing is we aren’t made to depend on people. But don’t get me wrong, we are supposed to have people in our life. When you say stuff like that people think they are mean’t to stay completely away from people. I guess the word would really be a season of isolation or separation. Sometimes you need to step back or take a break so you can detach yourself, and that’s not a bad thing. When I mean a season of isolation or separation, I mean a season where your total focus is you and God. Focus on getting to know God more and his plans for your life. Focus on being whole with him. On reaching a new level with him. God wants to show you specific things that only you are meant to see. God wants to show you who to help or who to speak to. Fam !! Everyday people are getting even more lost. We are so focused on the wrong things, there are people who need Jesus, just like we needed him. People are depressed, suicidal, lost, angry, hopeless, confused, etc. We have and know the answer, Jesus. We need seasons of isolation sometimes, so we can tune our ears to the voice of God. He uses that period to refocus you and help you understand that you only truly need him. So we can know what he is trying to reveal or say to us. Sometimes Gods voice becomes so quiet because we have tuned his voice out. When we depend on people it can be dangerous because we tend to treat them like our God. We idolize them without realizing it too. For example, once God sees you only worship him because your friend, girlfriend or parents do he’s going to allow you to have a period where you understand wholeness with him and you alone. Your faith can’t depend on someone else’s faith with the Father. You need to know and encounter the Father alone. So you can see that only he can satisfy and only he can do what no one else can. It’s an unexplainable feeling, but that’s why I encourage and pray that you guys have a true encounter with the Father. Than you can truly understand what I am saying with all of this. Another example, have you ever seen people who drink and smoke marijuana a lot of them do it because they like how it makes them forget about what they are going through. They depend on this because they think it can heal or take their pain away. The thing about that is that it takes away their pain for a moment or maybe a couple hours, after that their pain is still present. Meanwhile when you invite the Lord into your life, your pain goes away. The only time your pain is reminded or brought back is so that you can share to people what Jesus did for you. He healed you, he loved you, he saved you, he transformed you, he gave you purpose, he gave you a future/hope and he gave you life. People can’t be our God because one, they didn’t create us. Two, since they are imperfect they are going to fail us point period. Which is why they can’t always be there the way we want them to. I ask you can you be alone because that is a very important question. What happens when your best friend, mom, dad, husband, etc leaves you. If all you are left with is God, will that be enough for you? Will he be enough, or will you loose yourself? You have to put your faith/life on the one who never changes. You can’t put your faith on ever changing things. God is constant, eternal and perfect which is why he can’t ever fail. That’s why I believe that God protects us from certain blessings in our lives. This is so because he doesn’t want us to ruin it, he knows if we don’t heal certain things needed for a certain blessing, we are going to ruin it. It’s not that God is trying to keep us away from his blessings, but rather he is waiting on us… God gives us blessings and things, but not for us to depend on them. It’s not about the gift it’s about the one who gave us it. We shouldn’t be praising the blessing rather the blesser. We tend to idolize the wrong things/people. We should be praising the one who created all things. God uses things and people around us to build us into the beings he wants us to be not for us to worship them. After all they are just doing what God told them to do. But all along it was God who did it and thought of it first. Whenever we idolize people or things, God has to remove it from us. Whether it’s for a while or forever. God wants us to understand that only he can make us whole. Only he can do what man could never do. He can make us complete, only he can heal, deliver, and save us. The missing pieces to your life only he can put in place figure out and fix. A man, woman, or anything in this world can’t do that. God is not going to keep something in your life when all it does is hurt you or drift you away from him. Especially when you are worshipping it and the glory truly goes to him. When you invite the Lord in your life that entails him being the center of your whole life. If he’s not than life is going to knock you upside your head until you realize that. He wants to help you with your steps and decisions in life. God says in his word clearly, he has plans to prosper you not to harm you. God is a God of his word, he doesn’t just speak to speak. What he says he will do, he will do it. I remember seeing this post on Instagram that says, sometimes what you want God isn’t saying no, he is just saying not right now. I love this because a lot of times we complain not knowing Gods already been working. He’s trying to work on us but we are stubborn and sometimes prefer our desires. We blame God for being late but in reality we are actually the ones who delay our blessings/process. God does love us and wants the best for us. He wants us to understand that we only need him. It doesn’t necessarily mean that he’s going to leave us with only him, but if he’s all you have would that be enough for you? We only really need him to be honest, he never disappoints and never leaves. We also forget that we have free will. Our decisions are the ones that make us tardy for the things God has in stored for us. But God is so loving and patient that he waits on his children for when they are ready…

A lot of the times we think we are qualified by what we do. The thing is with God what qualifies us is different from how the world considers us as being qualified. The world qualifies us with what we’ve done in our lives. Whether we have certifications. Whether we have experience in the area. With God it’s the opposite, he loves to qualify you based on your heart. If you have an open and genuine heart he qualifies you. He believes in being the one who helps you through everything. If not we will think that we can do it on our own. But that’s the purpose of our lives, understanding that we were never meant to do life on our own. That’s why we fail in a lot of the things that we want to do. The reality of it was that we were always supposed to walk alongside our creator. That’s why people go all their lives trying to find purpose, love, security, etc. They never receive it because they look for it in the wrong places. You are trying to let people and things replace what only God can do and is. Only God is enough, only God can give you what’s missing because he created you. I thank God that he doesn’t see me like the world does. With all the things I’ve done in my life, the world definitely would not qualify me. But it’s because of Gods mercy and love for us that we continue. There are certain things in you that God put in you. If you’ve ever had a vision or passion for something it’s for a reason. It wasn’t put in you or you didn’t think of it for no reason. God has intentions with it because to him you still have purpose. If your heart is in it for the Lord all the way, he will see that and honor you. Gods recently put me in two positions that I don’t deserve. I want to tell you keep being faithful to God even if you don’t feel like you deserve it. He’s so good that he honors us, even though we really don’t deserve it. These positions I completely don’t have any qualifications for. But it’s because of my willing heart, and me serving him faithfully all these years that he is honoring me. The truth is we are never going to deserve Gods love and what he gives us. That’s what we must always understand and remember. Which is also why we need to always be more grateful. It’s not about what we’ve done, it’s about what he wants to do through you. Our whole life is based on mercy and unmerited favor. He favors us not because of anything we necessarily did, but because he loves us. In the Bible God writes a lot about how it’s not about anything we do but it’s about his grace. Grace is a big word man, that’s what God uses to give us the things we don’t deserve. Grace is one of the biggest and greatest gifts God has given us in life. When you receive Jesus as your Lord and savior, you understand that he’s saved you from sin. Which means after that he gives you his grace and favor. But it’s not because of anything we did for which we receive the things we do, it’s because of what Jesus did on your behalf. God loved us so much he had to send his only son on the cross to save us from our sins. Grace…

“Choice” what does that exactly mean..? Google tells us that a choice is an act of selecting or making a decision when faced with two or more possibilities. In life we always have two choices. Whether to choose good or evil. Another word that signifies a choice is free will. God gave us the free will to choose whatever path we want to take. Whether we choose to live life with God or without God. I’m not going to lie, sometimes it’s hard to choose the right thing. Sometimes our flesh is easier and pleasing to follow. But the thing is one way is eternal and the other leads to death. There have been times where I failed God, still sometimes I fail God and I hate myself for it. I would be so mad and not forgive myself. But I realize at the end of the day that it’s a choice. If I fail God, it’s okay I have to let God pick me up and keep going. Its about when you fail understanding what you did wrong, and choosing to do better. It’s not about staying in the same hole you put yourself in, you have to learn from your mistakes and move on… I once poured out my heart to a man of God and told him I don’t feel happy anymore. I don’t feel loving anymore and I don’t feel like me anymore. First off let me tell you that happens when you don’t connect yourself to God. John 4:14 tells us that “anyone who drinks the water I give will never be thirsty again. The water I give people will be like a spring flowing inside them. It will bring them eternal life.”” This means that whenever we connect to God, we will never look to the left or to the right. Why..? Because we are satisfied in him, and understand that he is enough to meet all our needs. We will look straight ahead and keep trying to draw ourselves closer and closer to him. He will bring wholeness, love, and endless joy. Most importantly we won’t feel empty and ugly inside. Back to what I was saying, after I told this man of God that, he said “than be happy! Be loving!”. He said everything in life is a choice, so choose to do better and be better! As someone who has sinned and failed God, i can tell you how awful it feels. Trust me if i could be face to face with you i would tell you, i g e t i t …. I would feel so depressed and be angry at myself. The truth is no one wants to fail in life, neither do we want to fail God. But it happens sometimes, the important part is when we fail him, that we learn from it. When God said he looks at the heart, he wasn’t kidding. God sees if you genuinely don’t want to fail him. I remember when i was younger and i would masturbate. After i finished committing that sin, i felt so dirty. I would be so mad and hate myself. I would cry and tell God i don’t want to do this, i know it doesn’t please you. I believe that first step to doing better is recognizing what you are doing wrong. Second is choosing to be better and give it to God. The thing is, you haven’t been able to conquer your situation because you’ve been doing it on your own. This is a sacrifice day to day, its about leaving it in Gods hands daily… Its by his strength, might, love and mercy that we will be able to conquer our circumstances. Once the devil knows that God has helped you heal, conquer, be strong in that situation/area, then he will find another way to attack you (so be ready and understand his schemes/tricks). The beautiful thing about God is that he knew we were going to fail him. Thats why he sent Jesus, whats even more crazy is that Jesus broke that veil! Jesus broke the veil that separated us from the Father. Back then they didn’t have it easy, they had to sacrifice animals to spend time with the Father. Now we are so privileged and we don’t take advantage of it. When we choose Jesus we are made a new creature everyday, our past is wiped away and the new comes. 2 corinthians 5:17 says, “Therefore, if anyone is in Christ, he is a new creation; old things have passed away; behold, all things have become new.” I love this because it means as we get closer to God, our old habits, our old ways are gone. It also clearly means you get a clean new slate. The new things that God has for you are waiting for you. When you choose to follow God, trust me his ways are challenging but wholesome. So trust me if you’ve failed God it’s okay. Just keep letting God bring the new to you, so he can transform you and bring heavenly things. When God said nothing can separate us from his love he literally meant nothinggggg…. Nothing you can ever do will ever be able to separate you from his love. But CHOOSE to be and do better!